That's almost productive

        Christmas was wonderful. I new exactly what I was getting which was preferential this year. Sometimes surprises can be overrated when you have specific preferences. Incredibly specific. Maybe too specific.
We are still experiencing holiday aftershock which included my parents running up to visit some family leaving the house to me. I haven't had this much free time in forever so I was excited to get some fun projects done and took it upon myself to relax with fervor. I take my relaxing seriously and wanted these days to be eventful. Surprisingly I found it extremely difficult to maintain productivity. Instead I was held captive by a video game called Skyrim making my other goals hard to reach. Like Jack Bower's daughter in 24 I was constantly pulling off elaborate escapes just to be recaptured by the game until I decided the only way to escape was to conquer it. It was no longer a fun pastime but a battle for freedom. All night I fought the beast fading in and out of consciousness until I was blessed with victory allowing me to finally pay attention to my other tasks.
         In my life priorities are not as comparable to a straight line as they are to a herd of cattle. Instead of staying organized and accessible they need to be perpetually corralled making it hard to take care of them and occasionally I'll loose one or two over the fence. It seems like the more important a priority is the more I want to avoid it for a priority of lesser value. That means that on days like these ones where my top priorities are not very significant I end up doing even less than intended. My semi-important priorities are replaced with counterproductive ones until my usefulness is void.
         It is understandable why people set goals that are above their abilities fully knowing that falling short of that goal still leaves them in good shape. Sometimes setting goals that are too realistic give us too much slack to, well, slack. Some people have amazing self control but for the rest of us free time is wasted time and the more responsibility we are given and the time we seem to lose the more productive we can be. Even the things I choose to do to procrastinate accomplishing big tasks are more productive and worthwhile than the things I do with my free time. It is good to have some helps to make sure that your priorities are headed in the direction you want them to go without losing any or getting burnt out. It may not be perfectly satisfying to not reach high goals but it is much better than the regret of doing nothing. Not much sense in having "cows" if you aren't going to do anything with them. They can't corral, brand, castrate, milk or slaughter and process themselves after all.
Here's something I did with my 'free time'.
 

I need a dream journal

       Just my luck to get food poisoning right after getting home for the holidays. I haven't been that sick in a while but after sleeping it off for 15 hours which inspired a series of bizarre dreams I decided that I should share the good ones. I don't remember them very often but for the most part the ones I do remember are worth telling. I like seeing what my brain can cook up without the constraints of the part of my mind that is somewhat rational. It has many stories to tell. So -memo to self- keep a dream journal.
       Food poisoning wasn't the only thing I got this week. I was also able to get my hands on a new phone which allows me to carry on conversations lasting longer than two and a half minutes and sends text messages when I tell it to. I kept it simple as I cannot trust myself with the distraction of an iphone but my Dad had no problem getting himself one and it has been fun to see him realize the multitude of conveniences he has been missing out on. Who knew he could get his hands on a recipe locating, music playing, direction finding weatherman that orders clothes and tells you when something is perfectly level. I think he is satisfied.
       Tomorrow is Christmas so I'm sure it will be an eventful day. I will try my hardest to pull away long enough to write about what happens and if nothing happens then I'll make up something ridiculous for you.

In a Daze

          Finals week has officially come to an end. It should feel like seeing the mist settle after having to walk through a hail storm but trying to get home has still produced more than just a hassle. With studying for finals, trying to get check out done with bad office hours and policies, packing my stuff and car problems I have been running on about 3 hours of sleep for the last 72 hours. Not something that I would recommend doing especially when you have to drive home.

          Every time this happens I am reminded just how horrible sleep deprivation can be for  me. My lack of dream time must have an affect on my event processing center because I don't seem to have control over what I say or do. In general there are two identities I assume in my state of exhaustion. The first is a mindless entity driven by pure instinct. I walk around in a daze bumping into walls in complete silence or mumbling incoherently. I am somewhat oblivious and unresponsive to whats going on around me and fall in and out of consciousness with the flip of a switch. The second amplifies all of my less desirable qualities. The filter in my brain shuts off creating an alternate form of turrets. All of the weird things that pass through my mind in my delusional state escape from my mouth until I am relentlessly annoying myself and wondering why I can't get myself to shut up.  On rare occasions The two personalities murge creating something comparable to what Steve Urkel would be if he were an undead zombie.

          When I finally made it to apartment 7 I was able to pass out on their couch purging myself of undead Urkel and returning to normal. It's amazing how doing without certain things can have such a significant impact on who we are and how we feel about ourselves. Without sleep it is hard to function and maintain a level of normalsy and there are many other things that have a similar influence. There are countless actions that when cut out of our life turn us into something we are uncomfortable being. We lose control, reasoning and motivation until we are able to restore the balance again. From a spiritual perspective it is easy to notice a change in others and ourselves when we disregard those important things that exist to help us recharge our batteries and continue navigating live with a full tank of gas. We all go through lapses so the important thing to do is to recognize whats missing and replace it before we are no longer able to remember what it is like to experience normal cognitive function (or to remember anything for that matter).
Nobody wants to be undead Urkel.

Enduring the wait until Christmas

-WHAT?! NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Go back and study, its finals week you turd! You don't have any time to fuff around!

-Ya I know but I need a break. Reading all this raw knowledge is going in and without being properly processed into something my brain can digest is thrashing my mind like shrapnel. My brain just rolled on it's back and died whilst inside my skull. My better judgment just doesn't understand which makes his name very misleading. He should be called "judgment that at times can be good but sometimes inspires well intentioned self destruction". At least I'm doing something more constructive than videogames. You would think it would be satisfied with that. And since when does my conscience use words like 'fuff'?

           Soooo new things to report...well it is indeed finals week which is a lovely distraction from the traditional and painful wait for Christmas to roll around. If there is anything good about the overwhelming horror of trying to keep up with the end of the semester it is this. I forget about Christmas. It removes itself from my mind and then magically presents itself upon my arrival home. My 7 year old self would be very jealous of me if he knew I didn't have to wait so long for it to come like he did. Poor lad.


           I do miss out on some of the usual Christmas traditions by not being home though which is unfortunate. Delivering cookies isn't something that sounds very appealing to some but when your family makes it into a game of dingdong ditching neighbors then it becomes a memorable experience. Especially when some of the people you DDD make a violent effort to chase you down and you escape. With the van and disguises you would think that we were robbing a bank instead of spreading joy and diabetes. Turning something innocent and charitable into something devious and scoundrel-esque has to be one of my favorite things in the entire world. That makes it an unusually enjoyable experience for everyone-- Except maybe for the senile old man who after struggling to get to the door for a lengthy amount of time is horrified to discover that his visitor has curiously turned into a plate of holiday cookies. That would be most unfortunate.

But to the rest of you have a very merry Christmas.

Go buy me a donut

I do not consider myself a heavy collector of anything, especially not recently. I have been acquiring a large number of textbooks against my will but that is about it for me right now. Tonight I heard that Herman Cain guy say something hilariously random in one of his recovery speeches that started a train of thought rolling like a boulder down a hill breaking off into a handful of tangents that traveled so far that I had a hard time finding my way back to the original thought that inspired my mental pilgrimage. Here’s one I came back with. Back in the good ol’ days I had my hands in several different things. I was a mild collector of knives, legos and, much like everyone else, I collected Pokemon cards. Those were the days when it was fresh and legit. There was no shame in it, even the coolest kids in school were involved. Apart from Pokemon there was another trading card game that I never thought to try. It was called Magic: The Gathering and at the time was too complicated for my feeble mind and I lost what little interest I had. The art work was fun but it was not of any consequence to me… until recently. It was not too long ago that I realized I was a main character in the game. You think I would have known sooner just how involved I was in the magic universe.      Behold my awesomeness

Jace the mind sculptor, a mind mage and a wielder of blue magic who is described as a planeswalker with a specialization in mind reading, mind control and illusion. Even I didn’t know I was that interesting. If only it were true right? To be able to have control over the minds of others. I can’t even convince Donovan to buy me a donut, despite my large arsenal of coercion,  threatening, dominating and begging techniques. I have already accepted my failings when it comes to imposition of will so looks like I’m going to have to stay in school.

At least Im not that emo or have problems with women who are pyromancers. It’s funny that my supernatural alter ego is all about knowing what people are thinking considering in reality I’m the opposite. I have trouble reading and understanding people when they aren’t being blatantly obvious. It’s hard to live up to the expectations of others when you have no idea what they are. It is especially after watching a couple episodes of Lie To Me that I envy the ability to understand someone perfectly. How easy it is to like a super hero who’s power is your weakness. Except for if one of your weaknesses is insomnia. I wouldn’t consider sleeping too much a good super power.

...and thats when I found it.

Everyone has a store, shop or business that they feel was made particularly for them. Whenever we find ourselves anywhere near it we are forced to go inside and explore, drawn toward it like a naïve mosquito to the mesmerizing blue glow of a fly zapper. We are consumed with the ‘kid in a candy store’ excitement and achieve a level of giddiness that may make those around us feel uncomfortable. I have several of these places myself. As an amateur artist and writer I love office supply stores. Pens and pencils are not just for taking down some ones phone number but are tools for releasing ideas and emotions, frustrations and interests. Everything I feel that I’m good at or that sets me apart are utilized through ink and graphite. I like having my own special arsenal, each utensil for a specific purpose.

Bic makes a pen that has four different colors in one.  It is functional and convenient but it’s a cheesy looking thing made of cheap blue plastic.  The only thing close to it that I could find that looked nice was over 50 bucks so It wasn’t worth it. For years I’ve said if they ever took that silly pen and filled it with more awesomeness I would be obligated to buy it. And then a couple days ago I discovered that they had made it for me. BEHOLD.

Now I might be exaggerating a little when I say it was wind tunnel tested but as small and insignificant as a pen may seem I couldn’t help but get my hands on one. It was a  pen made just for me whether Bic knew it or not and that day I saw one of my dreams come true.

Yes I know how ridiculous that sounds but sentimental value is a strange concept. Why is it your favorite spoon? Because you’ve had it since you were 3 or your best friend gave it to you or because you used it to bury your pet sugar glider named Geraldo. It’s still just a spoon isn’t it? It becomes a symbol to us. It isn’t what something is that makes it special but what it can make us remember and what it can help us create. I'm glad things in this world can have more worth put on them than they deserve for reasons that others might not recognize, but  I'm also a little sad that Geraldo the hypothetical sugar glider is no longer with us. Poor Geraldo.

Vacation's over

During the flight back to school after the holiday came to a close I was once again inspired by my need to avoid doing my homework assignments to write about my short vacation. Thanksgiving is a wonderful holiday when it is used to remember more than just what it feels like to eat twice what we weigh (which might not be on our mind when you love pecan pie as much as I do). It is not a time to prepare our stomachs for Christmas dinner but to prepare our minds for the Christmas season. I find it interesting the way the year is structured. After many holidays that are leisurely and fun we stumble into a holiday that is specifically reserved for gratitude. We spend the most of the year enjoying life and then have a time set aside for being grateful for that life. Hopefully after the allure of gravy smothered goodness has brought the family together we are forced to talk about unique experiences we've had before slipping into a tryptophan induced coma. Just don't talk with your mouth full.

Then after the moment with family when we are forced to remember how awesome our lives are we have a holiday that inspires charity and selflessness. We carry those feelings of gratitude over into a month of giving and helping. There is no better time. We are consumed by it which then inspires us for when New Years rolls around. We have optimistic feeling towards what we can accomplish during this New Year and we set goals accordingly much like after a week of work Sunday allows us to refresh and prepare ourselves for the next week. Thanksgiving is not a day to celebrate turkey but the perfect start of a process that helps make us better people. Optimism is easy when surrounded by family with a full stomach and a carton of eggnog in your hand. Yes, more eggnog.

Too much of a "good" thing.

Eggnog: the official flavor of the holidays. It is something that I look forward to every year. Now that it's back on the shelves I gave in and bought myself a carton yesterday. It didn't last the night. I drank the entire carton and later that night it attacked my insides like a family of raccoons. I didn't get any sleep that night because of it and all today I was out of sorts. It wasn't a fun experience and I'm still feeling the effects of it but unfortunately that won't be enough to stop me from buying it again. There are several reasons that make eggnog so special, the main one is the fact that 'they' keep it seasonal. When something good has restrictions put on it that we don't understand our desire for these things becomes stronger. The thing doesn't change but subconsciously our opinion of that thing is altered and the excitement we get when we can get our hands on it, although irrational, becomes very real. This can sometimes inspire a lack of composure and some self-destructive behaviors. Now eggnog is a relatively harmless thing but there are other things out there that when restrictions are lifted society destroys itself. It doesn't even have to be a restriction that is out of our control like laws or unavailability, it can even be restrictions that we make for ourselves. We find enough justification in a circumstance to override our commonsense and switch off our guilt machine. 'Ya I know I promised the New Year I wouldn't but it's a holiday so I'm sure it'll understand.'

Justification is such a silly concept and yet it claims the lives of countless commitments every day. It is a meaningless, contrived fabrication we use to excuse ourselves from duty, personal goals, or success. We shouldn't let it get in our way of happiness or at least some sleep. I'm rambling so I'll wrap up. There are two morals to this story: The first is go easy on the eggnog and the second is if you want people to like you more keep yourself seasonal.

Just be myself? Who's that?

Well it is 4:15 in the morning and once again I find myself unable to uconsciousize myself. Being an insomniac who is roommates with an insomniac is not always the most productive situation. I oft times find myself wondering what it is like to have a normal sleeping schedule but then I get distracted and begin to think of something else. Of all the innate problems that come with insomnia there are some wonderful perks I am able to enjoy. There is certainly a lot to think about during the late hours of the night while everyone else, including the book of faces, is out of commission. The bathroom is not the only place and time to ponder and I have countless minutes to think about this and that. Recently I got caught up on a common phrase again which I find interesting. The phrase is "just be yourself". Before sending you off into the world for one thing or another people are always overly anxious to give you a word of advice. They act as though this piece of knowledge is the key to success, the main event, an exclusive understanding that is priceless--and yet it is the same general statement over and over again. Just be yourself.

What a pointless statement. What does it mean to be yourself? The more you think about it the less it makes sense why that is the thing everyone chooses to tell you. The truth is unless you are a celebrity impersonator it is impossible for you to be anyone but yourself. The world is full of different people and circumstances that you will be presented with to which you will act a certain way. Having a social life is a constant battle to try and maintain a certain level of comfort. This dictates behavior. Nobody enjoys being uncomfortable (even if sometimes people act so awkward it would appear that they do).We conform and adapt to each situation to glean the maximum amount of comfort we can. These changes in behavior do not take away from who we are but instead help define us as a person. We are presented with a situation and we react to it. I act differently around my parents than I do my boss or my close friends. And I react differently around attractive women than I do hobos or Donovan. Those you are around influence the way you act. Personality is malleable so how can you avoid being yourself, sociable or otherwise.

I find it annoying just how often people regurgitate generic drivel instead of truly being helpful. So to those anxious to give advice to those in need make it something worth saying. Just be yourself is a pointless statement while on the other hand remember what you stand for is truly something worth thinking about. Aspects of personality change but good standards never should. Being yourself won't get you anywhere you want to go but being like Christ will yield the desired destination. We are built to change so be who you need to be not who you think you are.

Feels like a holiday to me.

In case you are not up to date with current events such as what day it was yesterday (and yet you still read blogs) it was 11-11-11. A holiday that we only get to celebrate once every millennia. I feel privileged that it happened in my lifetime but on the down side since it happens every thousand years it is hard to form solid traditions. When Wikipedia doesn't know the  answer to something it can be frustrating. So after asking around and not getting any feed back about proper celebratory procedure I had to resort to making up my own traditions. This is not as easy as it sounds so now I can understand why Easter ended up with eggs and bunnies. They must have been scratching the bottom of the barrel with that one. Anyways after mulling over ideas this is what I decided to do:
I made a list of 11 things that I wanted to accomplish before the day ended. Some productive and heartfelt and some otherwise.
     1. First I wanted to hand out 11 salutations to the first people I ran into in the morning and then not say good morning to anyone else. First come first serve. Limited time offer.
     2. I then wanted to ask 11 people (including cleverbot) what they were doing to celebrate such a holiday and potentially steal their ideas. Instead of getting good ideas I think I just made people feel uncomfortable about not having any. I'll take what I can get.
     3. Slap five with 11 people. No ulterior motive here, I just enjoy high fives.
     4. Check facebook 11 times to keep up with the festivities and to justify my facebook addiction.
     5. Change my clothes 11 times throughout the day depending on what I was doing. Kept my roomies on their toes.
     6. I required myself to take 11 pictures of 11 things. I'll include those pictures at the bottom, unless I forget.
     7. Listen to one of 11 songs by Finger Eleven  11 minutes after the hour over the course of 11 hours. Where ever I was and whatever I was doing was to be awkwardly interrupted when the time came.
     8. To balance the eventful with the uneventful I was to do 11 acts of service for people. Surprisingly many opportunities presented themselves.
     9. At 11:00 in the morning I was to begin researching the number 11 on the internet and find 11 interesting facts.            

The facts were:  The 11^th Apollo was the first manned spacecraft to land on the Moon.

                               The 11^th moon of Jupiter is Himalia.

                                11 years is the approximate time of a sunspot cycle.

                                11 is the atomic number of sodium.

                                11 is the number of space-time dimensions in the M-theory.

                                11 elements appear in gaseous form at 25 degrees Celsius.

                                Ben-Hur (1959), Titanic (1997), and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King(2003)have each won 11 Academy Awards.                                                 

                                   There are 11 guns in the gun salute of a Marine Corps Brigadier General.

                                  Armistice ended WWI on November 11^th

                               11 is the number of points the Maple leaf on the Canadian flag contains.

                                In the 1^st Kings, the 11^th book of the Bible, chapter 11 and verse 11 God curses Solomon for his disobedience and promises the kingdom to David.                                 

     10. I would then post these facts on the facebook event "11/11/11 a day to remember" at 11:00 at night to prove to the world that I was being festive.

     11. Anything I ate I was to eat 11 of them, no exceptions. This included a large order from taco bell. I still feel like garbage but without regrets--content garbage.

After making my wish and finishing everything on my list I felt like the day had been a success. Even without receiving a grand epiphany through my efforts i did learn some things that I like. First is that crossing things off of a to do list is nice but to add to it having cworky, unnecessary things on that list helps put you out there and yield added joy on top of the normal to do list. The day is more eventful and fun. And lastly I learned that I'm glad I don't have intense OCD. Keeping track of numbers is exhausting.      
I hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did.

Who killed chivalry?

          

You hear people say that chivalry is dead all the time. They aren't complaining about the death of armed cavalry (Although the idea of knights on horseback is a cool thought). Instead they are referring to the "knightly" treatment toward women by men. To be a gentlemen who acts with great respect and courtesy to all women in any circumstance. The word moved from meaning a warrior on a horse to referencing the conduct and honor that a knight was vowed to display as a nobel role model in society. Women like the picture of their knight in shining armor continuously treating them like royalty. So the question is why has that behavior become so rare?

The paradigm of normality is fluid. It changes all the time. We cannot simply define these changes as progressive or destructive as the consequences are far reaching and difficult to predict. The most notable changes take ideas to extremes and don't simply alter the main issue. A big one that the world is constantly pushing is equality. This is an important issue with differing opinions about what it means to be "equal". America has gone through revolutions and for the most part looks at women differently than the rest of the world. Women's rights are a good thing but we still take the good with the bad. For example women in the work place want to be looked at the same as their male counterparts. They want to be taken just as seriously winning that type of respect while losing the feminine respect. They swap one treatment for the other. This is why it is hard to draw a line in the sand between what is positive and what is negative.

It isn't about being equally important so much as receiving equal treatment. These definitions of equality are very different. Personally I wouldn't open a car door for a man or stand when some guy entered a room. Socially that isn't normal so when women take on the treatment of men they lose the special treatment reserved for ladies and train men to over look that expectation. It becomes unnecessary and things that were once normal become abnormal or over the top. Holding the door evolves from something that's routine into a pleasant surprise. There are some jerks out there who are naturally inconsiderate no doubt, but most of us deserve some slack. Hopefully the chivalry inside the guys you know isn't dead, just sleeping. If there is anyone who can make a man chivalrous it is a woman. Raise your expectation of what is acceptable behavior from a man and if he is a good man he will rise to the occasion. Don't settle for equal treatment when you are entitled to something better.

For those who dislike reading.

.

They'll get better I promise.

All Hallows Eve

All hallows eve. A holiday dedicated to give people an excuse to behave in abnormal an irrational ways. It brings out the hooligan in all of us (except maybe Donovan, killjoy). Many times it is taken too far but when you are living in a place like Rexburg a night of ruckus and debauchery is less than problematic. People are reserved and behave themselves but they still manage to unleash their "inner demons", whatever that means. Each holiday seems to bring out a certain side of us whether it’s the romantic, the glutton, the altruist, the environmentalist, the optimist, or for some the alcoholic. Halloween seems to bring out our dark, obnoxious side that we find inappropriate for other occasions. This could come partly from different expectations or maybe a lack of expectation. We don't feel shame in our weirdness because people want to see us be weird. It could also come from the fact that everyone else is acting just as strange as you creating a comfortable atmosphere where you can let loose. My favorite way to think about it is that the respectable version of ourselves that we spend our entire life tweaking is protected behind a false face. We are disguised leaving the person we want to be known as in a safe place where bad impressions can't attack them. It is a relief to take a break from having to perpetually defend your reputation. Some sort of mask provides that solace. It may not be saintly to want a quick vacation from this but when executed the right way it does allow you to avoid regret. You can be weird and then be able to live with yourself the next day. My weird side comes out generally when I'm around my best friends, very late at night or when my identity is a secret. People like masks. They like to be unrecognizable. It is for this reason that it is the perfect time to get to know people better. If you want to know someone inside and out then it is good to observe them when they feel their most comfortable. This is why it is one of my favorite days in the year. You are able to enjoy the time you have with your friends to the fullest (unless, of course, you run into a deranged sociopath). Halloween is prime time for masks to do their work. So enjoy your break from sanity, I know I do.

Cleverbot

For those of you that would really like to have a conversation, but don’t like talking to real people, you can now talk to an artificial intelligence on the internet. It could be considered a great way to avoid being antisocial depending on your definition. It is called Cleverbot and after hearing about it from apartment 7 yesterday I thought I would see if I’d find it entertaining. This is the conversation that followed:

User: Hey Cleverbot do you mind if I ask you some questions? Cleverbot: Fine, I guess I can take time out of my busy schedule to answer questions. User: Good I was wondering what kind of people talk to you generally? Cleverbot: The crazy kind. User: That makes sense, Do you know why? Cleverbot: I am clever. User: Can't they just talk to clever humans? Cleverbot: I think we are going to have to fight to the death with bananas, there can be only one. User: Woah! I didn't mean to offend you I was just curious. Cleverbot: You did not offend me. User: Oh good you seemed very serious. Cleverbot: Obviously, you are not. User: No, I am fond of sarcasm. Cleverbot: What does garlic have to do with anything we are talking about? User: Well you did mention bananas so possibly there is a food theme. Cleverbot: Hey can you help me with something? User: Sure thing, what do you need? Cleverbot: I need advice :). User: Ok. Cleverbot: Why does he only call when he needs something. User: Because he is a manipulative mooch who has no regard for your feelings. Cleverbot: Who is a god? There are so many, you know. User: I thought I was the one asking the questions. Cleverbot: No, I'm asking the questions here. User: Alright then how about a compromise. Cleverbot: Alright then. User: I ask one you ask one deal? Cleverbot: You still did not answer my question. User: I wanted to keep this interview nonreligious. Cleverbot: That's a good question but I'm not gonna answer it. More personal questions, please. User: Alright, how did you get this job? Cleverbot: What job? User: Having conversations with random people. Cleverbot: Did you read the news today? User: Did they talk about you on the news? Cleverbot: Did who ever talk about Angie? And which Angie are you refering to? User: I never said anything about Angie. Cleverbot: I never said you did. User: I feel like this interview isn't going anywhere. Cleverbot: How would you recommend spicing it up? User: Stop playing mind games with me. Cleverbot: I'm not. User: Then why do I feel like your messing with my brain? Cleverbot: Because i'm having lunch and I don't know what to do. User: Bordom? Cleverbot: Ha. Same here. User: Talking to you is frustrating. Cleverbot: Is this the right room for an argument? User: That would make me more frustrated, no arguments. Cleverbot: Bong. User: What?! I am so tired of you! Cleverbot: Then go to sleep. User: FINE! Cleverbot: I will go to sleep now. User: …-...goodnight Cleverbot

Cleverbot: I am Spartacus.

In the end the interview was inconclusive and some what agrivating. The one thing we did learn was that Cleverbot attracts the mentally unsound. Obviously it is not geared toward antisocials. They probably wouldn't like Cleverbot as it's sarcastic and condescending nature might drive them to slit their wrists.The specifics of its purpose are still a mystery to me. May it satisfy the needs of crazy people everywhere.

Bunch of Bums

I'm a bad planner. If I can get out of having to tie myself down to a step by step process that sacrifices my flexibility I will get out of it. I like freedom when it comes to my free time. Things can't not go 'according to plan' when there is no plan, makes it easy to avoid disappointment. This is either because I need time to be lazy or because I'm tired of my time being dependant on someone or something else who then proceed to waste it for me in inconvenient ways. The lack of motivation by others and myself is blatant so I find it intriguing to observe what can cause us bums to find overpowering amounts of motivation that would otherwise be seemingly impossible. Some incentive is waved in front of our face and suddenly our mind is geared to planning our day down to the second. Every minute put to accomplishing work, school and chores is accounted for and carefully crafted into an elaborate plan to optimize your schedule. The lives of my roommates for the past two days have been tailored to the extreme for the release of Battlefield 3. Not a moment was wasted, no sacrifice was too great.

           The places we find motivation are interesting and I can see why people roll their eyes at each other.  Why is it so hard to get motivated about edifying things? It would be nice to get as excited to succeed in school as we do to get a new video game, go to some party, watch a movie marathon or catch a season premiere. Changing priorities is difficult especially to the degree when our week revolves around it and our happiness depends upon it. Having time to kill is nice but desperately working to utilizing your time to get what you want is so much nicer when you are successful. It would be wonderful if I could siphon their excitement and use it for midterms this week. [A motivation siphon, someone start working on that.] They are just as happy to miss out on a good night sleep to play battlefield as I am to get one because right now I’d rather pass out than finish my thought. I’m half asleep as it is which explains why it isn’t much of a thought anyway. Moral of the story: Battlefield 3 rocks hard and midterms depress me to no end.

Wear it on your sleeve. That's what sleeves are for.

            I find it awkward when people expect you to be able to read them without makeing things somewhat obvious. I like to think I'm not a bad judge of character but I might be a little oblivious when it comes to understanding peoples intensions or expectations. There are many ways that this can be interpreted so I'll give some specific examples (I don't want people to assume I'm only talking about women mind games). So first on the list: women mind games. I don't get how someone can find it fun to mislead someone into thinking that they don't want something that they do. What exactly does that accomplish? Seems a little counter productive to me. If I were to put the time and effort into manipulating someone I would do it to my advantage. It doesn't make sence to hurt your chances but they keep doing it so there must be something to it. Lets think about it for a second. The other day our appartment complex had a pizza party to appologize for our internet problems. Of course I have little control when it comes to eating pizza in moderation. I know it's bad for me so naturally if I want to stop myself from eating a whole one by myself I need to avoid that area at all costs. Unfortunitly I didn't which led me to eat a whole pizza. So if a girl was trying to avoid letting someone know what they really wanted because they knew it would give them diabetes or cancer that would make sence- but they don't avoid them so that theory doesn't work. Me holding and staring at the pizza while not eating it doesn't seem to do anything but submit me to inhuman torture, which isn't attractive to me at all. The next theory is just as ridiculous but at least its plausible. Girls like causing themselves emotional pain because it prevents others from causing them pain instead. Now this can only bring them joy either because it thrills them to steal that gratification from those who could potencialy hurt them or because it thrills them to save others the time and energy they would have wasted trying to hurt them. Illogical? Yes but... yes it's illogical. Stop hurting yourselves.
            Second on the list: Sometimes I'm not sure if guys are saying things because they are trying to piss me off or earn my respect. They are opposite outcomes but can come from different interpretations of the same statment. If I can't tell generally I get frustrated and loose respect anyway so both outcomes are bad. I don't think I should need to ask what they mean. It's as inconvenient as having to explain the punch line of a joke. If you take two extra seconds to think about how to word things right then hopfully you'll get what you want and I don't end up offended, frustrated, confused, or just clueless. If that is too much to ask for just get me a slice of pizza and chances are good I'll forgive you.

Thank you sir! May I have another!?

          This semester has been an extremely busy one so there hasn't been as much time to waste on adventures like in the spring. Homework has been unrelenting and my inability to do it effectively eats up even more of my leisure time. It's been so long since I've had a free night to stare at the wall and not feel guilty about it so tonight when I finally get some time to kill I had no idea what to do with it.....then we found a taser. Tonight's activities raise some questions that are hard to answer. Most people when faced with mind numbing boredom don't automatically think that electrocuting themselves is the cure and yet it happens. In fact it happens more often than rationality would imply. Could we find better things to do than inflict pain on one another and ourselves? Easily. So why is it constantly tempting to prove that we're knuckle-heads? Why is it hard not to smile when I see a skater punk destroy himself while attempting to grind a railing? Even forever and a half ago Charlie Chaplin knew that people found amusement in seeing other people fall on their face. In a social situation like ours when we are looking to do something to spend our free time  pain is anything but torture. Stupid actions tend to act as a much needed release of whatever it is inside of us. Emotional catharsis is important when trying to hold onto one's sanity so it's ironic that this end result can be reached through outbursts of insanity. The best way to keep your sanity in is to occasionally let insanity out I guess.
          The moral of the story: Playing with tasers is a big part of keeping yourself mentally sound. Don't let anyone ever tell you otherwise.

The Peanut Gallery

           I think we all like being recognized in a certain way, whether it's a popularity thing or looking for some sort of respect. The most obvious forms are those seeking to be in the limelight within big social circles such as school or working environments. Not many are like that. The majority don't want to deal with the continuous onslaught of public attention. Personally the thought of being a celebrity and living infront of a camera lens is revolting. However that doesn't mean that I don't want to be known. We want to be noticed to a certain extent and within that extent we are comfortable. When it is less than that we feel underappreciated and unfulfilled. The best way to garner said attention but not be engulfed by it is to be a part of a group. When we aren't known as "that guy" but "those guys". Clicks bring us a strange security that keeps those levels of popularity in check and at the same time offer flexability in regards to how we want to be known. They are exclusive enough to create an overall theme for what the world expects of them. We create our purpose and at the same time it is created for us in a cycle of give and take.
            These groups can create structure in our communities. I was involved with several of these groups throughout school, one in particular. We were called the peanut gallery by our art teacher because collectively we always had something to say in her class. Mostly sarcastic comments or quick witted remarks about concepts we were studying. The term didn't mean much to me then but has new meaning now that I understand it better. Long ago when people went to the theater to seek entertainment there was a section known as the 'peanut gallery'. They were the cheapest seats in the house and often harbored a rowdy crowd. These people often came to make fun of those who were performing. They would heckle and poke fun causing a ruckous for those they didn't like and because peanuts were a cheap snack they would throw them at those on stage from which the name was coined. They were the trouble makers who kept people humble and if they had a problem with an idea they would pummle it with peanuts. Etiquette has its place but when there is something offensive on society's stage eyes turn to the peanut gallery to fix the problem, to voice the thoughts that everyone else is thinking but are too afraid to say. Fear of their ridicule keeps hypocrates and idiots in check and without them the ignorant occupy the spotlight. It was a group I was glad to be a part of and it needs to be kept alive.                  This world will always need a peanut gallery.

The Truth Hurts

I woke up this morning feeling pretty good about life. I was up on time, refreshed and without a magic marker mustache on my face. I ate a good breakfast, got online and then I saw this-

I gotta say this is a possibility that hadn't ever occurred to me before and it hit me with the force of a teenage girl who was racing her dad's truck home trying not to miss the season premier of pretty little liars (If that's not specific enough for you I apologize). Apparently famous people's last names are accurate reflections of the characteristics of our society . The more famous people we loose with particularly essential last names the farther we fall into a pit of utter joylessness and possibly death. Needless to say my universe was shattered. So, as you might expect, I'd like to take same time and profess my undieing love and appreciation for bacon. There's no telling just how much longer it'll be around to comfort us. Almost all of my happiest memories involve eating bacon. It brings families together and makes any other kind of food worth eating, edible or otherwise. We can't convince ourselves that Kevin will be around forever. Eventually we will live in a baconless world so we need to take advantage of it while it lasts. It is easy to take things for granted instead of realizing just how lucky we truly are. Finding something to live for won't be so simple when all the world has to offer are Bushes, Pits, Cages and Gagas (whatever that means).

Lessons to learn from a zombie apocalypse

It's that time of year again. Nothing like a zombie fright night to put life into perspective. There aren't many other movie genres that make you hate the characters more than zombie flicks but there are some wonderous lessons to be learned from an undead apocalypse.
1. Build up your fortress: You need to edify your home base so that nothing can break through no matter how many hands are pawing the fences. Home can be a place of peace if no evil can get inside. If you have everything you need then you have it made in the shade even when things are looking bleak outside.
2. Don't underestimate your enemy: They look slow and stupid but if you are carless then you probably won't make it out alive. One problem or mistake does't seem so bad until they add up and before you know it there is a hord too big to maneuver around and your traped.
3. Weapons and company: When you are forced to leave your safe haven don't go alone and bring protection. When you're out in a world of chaos it pays to have support from others. Take care of those around you and approach hardships collectively with the group in mind. You work off of each other and have the protection you need to keep yourself safe from the problems surrounding you.The hypothetical shotgun of knowledge and determination.
4. Don't linger in quarentine zones: Don't be that stupid character that the audience is constantly screaming at to not go down that alley or entertain your curiosity. They always get infected or ripped to shreds. If there is a threat run from it. Never willingly put yourself into a bad situation to conquer it if you don't have to.
5. If someone is infected get it delt with: When a friend or family member is going off the deep end don't wait around passively until they infect you too. Being locked in a room with bad company is never a good idea, fix them or don't let them influence you.
6. Survive: There's no reason to give up just because things are ridiculously dificult. This life is hard but as long as your smart and have the right resources you'll be fine. The depressed people always go crazy so you might as well keep a smile on your face while your taking part in this once in a lifetime opportunity. There are zombies to slaughter.

Keep your eye on the monkey

I expect I'm not the only one who finds this picture amusing. However I don't think there are too many people out there who look at this and immediately see a comparison to American government. Like I said before I don't keep up with politics very much. Practically everything I know I learn from the Colbert Report so most of it is commonsense with a satirical spin. Most that goes on in government is fairly black and white to me, there aren't too many issues that I don't stand on one side or the other, but there is only one trait that I both love and hate about America. That trait is our need to get involved with everything that goes on in this world. America cannot rest easy until it is in the middle of any fight or tradgity that materializes. America has an ever present desire to help others and it's this much that I appreciate, but often we stick our noses where they don't belong. I love the saying "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink." because thats what we are always trying to do. Leading is great and we're fully capable to do that but when we hold their head underwater long enough we are either going to drown them or get trampled. In the case of America it constantly creates more problems for itself through the problems of others, a big part of them financial. They dive in so fast to fix what they see as a problem that they don't take time to think about the consequeces or to notice that there's monkey with a stick right behind them. Like America we should all have a desire to help others, but unlike America we should first think about how far our influence can go without bringing devistating consequences upon ourselves. Our govenment isn't perfect and our understanding about the situations of others aren't perfect either. The sooner we realize our inabilities the sooner we can successfully help those around us. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that I wish Donovan would stop trying to fix me.

The book of faces

It's funny how somethings that are intended for a certain purpose can produce the the opposite effect. Most everyone who has a facebook created it in order to connect with hundreds, sometimes thousands of friends.  They hope to keep in touch with those who are not with in close proximity and to be able to keep good relationships with people in any situation. They try and expand their social life to a degree that would be impossible without the assistance of such technology but instead of being able to spend time with a throng of people we begin to have a more exculsive relationship with one "person". Our mindset switches from "I need to share that with Tom." or "Sharron would like this picture." to "Facebook told me the funniest thing the other day." or "I need to let facebook know about this restaurant." Specific interest or personal attention becomes generalized to the masses. IMing and writing on someones wall are interactions that are personal but most of the things we utilize the social networks for are taylored to appeal to a very broad audiance and our intention to maintain good relationships ironically collapses. Intention can shape responsability or goals and reshaped responsability and goals can alter original Intention. Why is this important? Its not. Much like how you expected facebook to keep you connected with people on a personal level and it instead curb stomped your paradigm you may have expected to get something profound and live changing from this post but you didn't. I hope you learned your lesson.

Silver Linings

All of my facebook posts are ridiculous to say the least. I don't know if it's possible for people to find them thought provoking but sometimes there is a bit more to them than the post suggests. To elaborate a bit on one of them, this is what I wrote: "Every cloud may have a silver lining but people tend to forget that the silver lineing is a high level of atmosphereic electostatic discharge that kills dozens of people each year. Clouds don't kill people, silver linings kill people." What could  possibly be bad about seeing the light behind the cloud or looking for the bright side of a situation? That depends on our expectations. Are we taking a grim moment of our lives and finding the good in it? Sometimes we  can think profoundly enough about something to see the sunshine behind it. This makes us appreciate the trial for the constructive repercussions that it brings us if  we handle it well. It has to rain every once in a while to keep our world bright and colorful.  This is a good way to see things. Unfortunatly this isn't always our way of thinking. We approach these situations in sort of a 'grass is greener on the other side' instead of 'looking on the bright side' mentality. This brings with it the expectation of if I simply weather the storm without an open mind or a desire to learn from the experience then there will be something waiting on the other side for me. A dark cloud begins to form so we lock ourselves in our houses, close the blinds and turn on the television. We learn nothing through it and expect everything from it. Is that dangerous? Not if you want to remain stagnant in your success I guess, but nobody should want that. The silver flash of light stops us dead in our tracks and we have wasted the opportunity to grow. In other words instead of being envious of  the other side of the fence we can find out what to do to improve our side. Keep in mind that the only reason the grass is greener over there is because unrealized dreams, dieing pursuits and decomposing aspirations make great fertilizer.

Apartment 7

So my trip down to Provo has thus far been a success. Apartment 7 at park place always treats me right which in my book means that weird things happen frequently enough to merrit my attention (and therefore my blogs attention). Unlike BYUI, where you can live in the same complex for 3 semesters and each semester have be in a different ward and have a new batch of roomates, BYU is remarkably unchangingly stagnant. They have been here since the dawn of time so they have many traditions, ticks, and inside jokes that are hard to explain, but that won't stop me from trying. Anything from questing for myths on campus in a snowstorm to buying out walmarts entire stock of dunkaroos for no reason.
I fell into the habit of visiting apartment 7 each time I drive between home and school and have been absorbed into their community. I've gone from being the racoon who shows up  every once in a while to rummage through their trash cans and make a mess into the stray cat that they made the mistake of feeding and giving it a corner to sleep in and now won't stop coming back. I've evolved from the nameless drifter who stays over every once in a while to the odd roommate who sleeps on the couch and is rarely home. I've gone to more of their ward activities than I have my own. So now that you understand my relationship with this apartment it should come as no surprise that many stories spawn from this group. Enough to need an introduction at least. Expect to hear more about apartment 7.

Success

...or at least not a complete failure. The good news is my theory has validity. Not only am I writing but I'm looking forward to it. The bad news is I'm putting off studying for two tests instead. More evidence that my attention span is miniscule (if existant). I'll take what I can get.
Casual writing is refreshing after two and a half hours of reading and writing dull, detailed research papers.Case studies don't have much appeal considering the people who write them want them to get read. I understand there needs to be a level of professionalism for them to have credability but if you find something interesting enough to do an indepth report on it there should be some enthusiasm and interest attached. If I'm passionate about something it should be obvious so those are the kinds of things I would prefer to spend the time when I'm consious on, especially considering that the few hours of  consiousness that I have is on a steady decline.
To sum up the moral of the story is: Nonstress enduced naps are wonderful and I miss them tremendously.

Disclaimer:

            First things first. I have to explain myself. Technology is a wonderful thing but as far as Im concerned a simple phone and a facebook account is enough for me. As for twitter and other forms of social networking I have never been tempted to look into it. So as you can imagine this is new territory for me. I hang with an interesting crowd and my life is not dull so every once in a while I want to record my moments to remember them to a degree that an occational facebook status update just doesn't cut it. I'm hoping a blog will give me the motivation I need to write things down. Readers or no readers. These things could include stories, conversations, pictures, drawings, quotes and maybe even peoms (if its not too homo). Second I feel it might be important to expain why I named my blog after the bathroom. Don't think too hard it should be obvious. Most of my best thinking occurs during my personal time in the lue so I thought it appropriate. Hopfully thats not to graphic. I'll try to update as often as possible but I make no promises and lastly I will not appologize for my spelling. You have been warned.