The 12 Days of Christmas: Days 8-12

         You'll be happy to know that I did finish off the last five days of my twelve days of Christmas commitment and due to a vicious onset of the flu I have plenty of time to get things recorded. Here are the last few things I ended up doing:

DAY 8: 
         To finish off I decided to go and see what the Bible had to say about 12-12-12 and apply whatever it said to my life. So I looked up the twelfth book in the old testament (2 Kings) chapter 12, verse 12. It speaks of the king Jehoash who after having so many wicked kings was a righteous and upstanding one. He commanded that the breaches and parts of the Temple that were destroyed should be rebuilt and those masons and carpenters that worked on it were rewarded for their service. An obvious application would be that those who work to build up Zion will be blessed and that we should all make it a top priority to do the work of God. Not a bad thought this close to New Years.

DAY 9: 
         While learning more about the number 12 on the world wide web I found something called the
Duodecimal system. This is a numbering system based around the number 12 which is said to be the optimal numbering system due to its flexibility. Unfortunately at first I confused this with the Dewy decimal system used in libraries which has nothing to do with the number twelve so I ended up accidentally familiarizing myself with both systems. Oh well.

DAY 10:
          Today was sort of a holiday in and of it self. 12-21-12: the end of the world. My celebration was a bit less Holly and Jolly due to the fact that my days as a boy scout taught me to always be prepared. In the morning I ran down to Sportsman's Warehouse and got fitted for my Bear Encounter compound bow I lovingly named 'El Buwitre' (Merry Christmas zombies) and then did a little research about possible methods on how the world could end. One I found interesting was about planet X also known as the Twelfth planet or Nibiru. Apart from the far fetched Scifi ridiculousness that follows Nibiru the main concern was that it eventually would orbit through our solar system throwing a wrench in this nice planetary engine that makes life so livable on Earth. I don't think El Buwitre would help with that so hopefully Nibiru leaves us alone.

DAY 11: 
          Funny how nothing says its Christmas like wearing obnoxious clothing. Luckily my Mom has never been one to buy me embarrassing Christmas sweaters so I don't have to suffer from post traumatic sweater disorder annually, in fact goofy sweaters have a certain appeal that inspired today's adventure. I explored several thrift stores and found 12 of my favorites and then bought one to wear for our traditional Christmas program. The pickings were slim that close to Christmas day but I settled on a blue turtle neck and now that its all over I'm considering burning it. We'll see if it survives till next year.

DAY 12: 

         Lastly in order to help get rid of all of the holiday delights so my Dad wouldn't be tempted to eat them for the usual midnight snack I ate 12 Christmas desserts while actively listening to 12 Christmas songs. Unfortunately the flu has again temporarily changed my outlook on acceptable eating habits so we may need to find more creative ways to get rid of them now. So much for human garbage disposal.

     
          Normally the end of a semester and the first couple weeks back home are unproductive and boring so it was great to have an excuse to go and do something unusual each and every day. Now the hunt starts to find a job to occupy my time from now until April. Should be delightful as always.

The 12 Days Of Christmas: Days 2-7

         Continuing my 12-12-12 celebration I did some basic things over the past couple days that don't take too much explaining so they're easy to shove together. Finishing up finals and traveling back home meant I had to get a little creative with what I could do.

DAY 2:
         Most of this day was straight classes and Studying for tests. I did find a minute in between sessions to write something nice on 12 different people's Facebook walls just to let them know that I think they're awesome. I have a lot of wonderful friends and it felt good to say something nice about them. I don't do it enough.

DAY 3:
         This day was interesting. I could say that I spent 12 hours taking tests (and I don't mean studying for tests, I mean actually taking them) but that didn't seem appropriate. Instead here is a list of twelve things about Christmas that makes it the best holiday.
-The lights: I remember that back during my days delivering papers my late night/early morning voyages were more than bearable while I was holding a giant thermos of hot chocolate and surrounded by thousands of colorful lights.
-The decorations: Other holidays have a couple of traditional decorations that my Mom will put out but every Christmas our house is turned upside down and transformed into a red and green holiday haven. Makes it easy to remember what season it is.
-The atmosphere: Christmas Spirit is a term that's used a lot but there actually is a special feeling that Christmas brings that make people nicer and life brighter. Speculate what you will about why but to describe it as divine is not a stretch.
-The time off: Other holidays are easier to work through but for the most part Christmas provides enough time off to let people travel or relax the way they can't the rest of the year. There are unfortunate exceptions but it is often better.
-The family: With the added flexibility of a national holiday more family is able to visit. We don't see extended family a ton so that is always a bonus.
-The food: Obviously.
-The smells: Somewhat related to food are the wonderful smells that fill the house when you have a Mom that loves to bake for people. Things perpetually smell like cinnamon and ginger and I love it.
-The sales: If you aren't looking for merchandise that everyone else is looking for then it can be nice to play clean up around the holidays. Stores have some good deals.
-The gifts: Not just receiving but giving. If you made a wise choice and the person you put that much thought into is thrilled with the gift you got for them the feeling that follows is priceless.
-The weather: I've lived in Vegas all my life so that might explain why I like the winter. I don't have to shovel snow and a break from the brutal Nevada summers is fantastic.
-The stories: Stories of Christmas miracles are easy ways to edify and recommit yourself to be better. They are inspiring and life changing.
-The bad Christmas sweaters: Much like those Hawaiian shirts that tourists wear you wouldn't see a Christmas sweater any time other than Christmas. They are atrocious in the best way so I can't help but like them.

DAY 4:
         Like I said previously I like Christmas stories. I had packing, cleaning and driving to do so I decided when I got to my friends apartment I would read 12 Christmas stories that I had never read before. Some were a little cheesy but I found a couple that I really liked. It wasn't hard to find them and its a nice thing to research.

DAY 5:
         While I was still at my friends place we decided we would watch 12 Christmas specials from 12 different television shows. The shows were: Community, The Office, Parks and Rec, Psych, Big Bang Theory, 30 Rock, Modern Family, Arrested Development, Invader Zim, Myth Busters, Adventure Time and My Name is Earl. Not a bad list in my opinion.

DAY 6:
         During the drive home I figured it would be simple enough to spell out '6th day of Christmas' using licence plate numbers that I came across along the way. It was harder than I thought but the drive was long enough to get it done. Made the drive seem a little quicker too.

DAY 7: 
         Today I thought I'd scour the internet (look on Wikipedia) to find an awesome fact about the number 12. I discovered that in the body there are 12 cranial nerves. Number one is the Olfactory nerve which senses smell. Number two is the Optic nerve which processes sight. Third, fourth and fifth are called the  Oculomotor, Trochlear and Abducens nerves, all of which control eye movements. The sixth is the Trigeminal nerve which has to do with sensations in the face. The Facial nerve obviously deals with facial expressions and also some taste. Eighth is both called the Acoustic or Vestibulocochlear nerve which deals with hearing and balance. Ninth is the Glossopharyngeal nerve which tastes and tenth which is the Vagus nerve controls voice, neck and the parasympathetic system. Number eleven is called the Accessory or spinal-accessory which is neck and arm support and last is the Hypoglossal nerve which deals with tongue movement, speech and swallowing. Interesting stuff right there.

       So there's the update. It's tricky to come up with so many things when you're lazy. More to come if you're lucky.

The Twelve Days of Christmas: Day One

         Here I go again assigning myself unneeded projects to work on when there is so much else that should be occupying my time instead. Considering the fact that last year I decided to make a big deal about 11-11-11 it didn't seem fair not to do the same thing this year. After all 12-12-12 is quite a bit more special. It is the last time that we will have a date like this for the rest of our lives. There will never be a 13-13-13 so if I was to let the day pass by without some sort of celebration I would never forgive myself. Why? Because I look for every opportunity to give myself a hard time. I guess I look like one of those people who deserve a good pummeling so I always need to be wary not to give myself an excuse. Maybe some day we'll reach an understanding but for now I always need to be looking over my shoulder knowing what an easy target I am for myself.

         The problem is last year I had so much time on my hands to plan and pull off my shenanigans while this year it falls right in the middle of finals week. Dropped right in the thick of everything to get swallowed up and forgotten. Instead of overloading myself with a daunting list of 12 things in one day I decided the solution was to spread out my list over the next 12 days. I would knock out one thing a day leading up to Christmas and called this plan "The 12 days of Christmas". I hope you're not unimpressed with my lack of originality but, instead, find yourself applauding my realization of this phenomenal coincidence. Thank the fates for such wonderful timing. 

           

         For the first day I took my camera along and committed myself to take 12 pictures of things that made me happy. Here are the pictures I took.

          First on the list: I like late night pow-wows with the roommates. This often leads to late nights and unpleasant mornings but they are always enjoyable when the happen. The other night we even stayed up because one of my roommate talked another one into getting a pinterest account and after having it for 10 minutes he decide he was going to make a pecan coffee cake at 1 in the morning. This sort of thing was not uncommon.

         Second on the list: my couch. Staying up late inevitably leads to much needed mid-day naps. I've tried sleeping on couches in other peoples apartments so I know not to take mine for granted. It is surprisingly comfortable, so much that I sleep on it more than my bed. In fact one time when I came home from campus to catch some shut eye before my next class started I fell asleep on my couch wrapped in my big, blue blanket and had a dream that I woke up still wrapped in my blue blanket laying on a different couch in an apartment that I didn't recognize. A stranger was standing in the room staring at me and I could tell from his face that he was just as confused at my presence there as I was. After a short apology I set off to find my way back to my apartment and my couch. In the dream I never made it back to my apartment and I later woke up just as confused as I was when the dream started. Apparently I don't just miss my couch when I'm away from home but even while I'm sleeping on it.

          Third: my steed. It makes my life so much easier and I pity all those who are forced to walk to and from campus multiple times a day or buy a parking pass for their car and then fight over available spaces. Hooray for accelerated, compact, and stylish mobility.

         Fourth: my calculus class. Not to me misleading, I have never liked math and it has never liked me, but there were somethings that made me happy about the class. First of all this was the last day I had to go before I was done with calculus forever. It would no longer torment my dreams and cause me useless stress that would never end up benefiting me in any way, shape, or form in the future. Secondly my teacher was hilarious. Only he could get away with calling his students dogs and hairballs and he actively encouraged lots of name calling in his class along with telling us fun stories from his past as a football couch. To make things better as I went to take a picture of him at 12:12 his phone went off and he answered it in the middle of class. I may just miss his antics.




         Fifth: The ability to run. Again, don't get confused. I'm not one of those health nuts who gets depressed if they haven't ran their daily 20 mile route. I have, however, realized how nice it is to have the ability to run after wearing a surgical boot and limping around for months. The other day I was finally able to run sprints and it felt great. Not just because of endorphins and self gratification but also because now I know that if the end of the world really is here I will be able to effectively outrun any zombie hoard that decides to pursue me. I was lucky that there was no need to flee a situation with haste during this semester and now I can feel good about potential threats in the future.

           Sixth: Eating out. Generally I'm so thrifty that it's somewhat depressing so when I find a good enough excuse to treat myself it is a good day. In this case it was an Arby's chicken, bacon and swiss with curly fries and a tall Dr. Pepper. Thank goodness for the holiday.
   

         Seventh: Jamming to tunes in the car. Sometimes head phones just aren't enough. There are times that I need to be swimming it. Surrounded by a fast, loud cadence with a powerful bass that you can feel pulsating throughout your body. There aren't many things that make me happier.
        



         Eighth: Free candy canes. They taste good and are a nice place to get a quick sugar fix in the middle of the day while your staving and can't go home yet. More than that it is also nice to know that when you are surrounded and your recently reattained ability to run proves useless you have something in your pocket that can be quickly crafted into a makeshift shank with nothing more than your tongue. Macgyver would be proud.

         Ninth: the cinema. Especially the dollar theater. It may take a little longer for movies to get there but forking over two bucks to see a movie in a theater in well worth it. I love everything about movies and seeing them is always a fun experience for me. 

         Tenth: places like Sammy's. Not only do they have big burgers, sweet potato fries and pie shakes but half the place is completely dedicated to amateur artists performing their work on a stage. Open mike Monday through Thursday and touring, indy bands every weekend. Some of the bands can be hit and miss but listening to free music live while eating a burger is a tension reliever while at college. 

      
       Eleventh: Christmas lights are up. It is easy to enjoy seeing Christmas lights up everywhere. Everything looks bright and fun causing you to forget what ever was weighing down on you. It isn't Christmas without the neighborhood glowing in a variety of colors.
     
          Twelfth and last: evening walks. School means stress. Stress means time needed to unwind. Walks at night when things are calm and the weather is brisk can be a brilliant relief from building tension. The longer the walk the more rubbish you can get rid of along the way. Its nice to be able to walk alone without having to worry about trouble too. I am in Rexburg with two working feet and an edible shank after all.

        The first day was a bit bumpy but I'll report on my progress every once in a while throughout the next 12 days of Christmas. Hope you guys are doing something productive and fun as well.

Thanksgiving Review

       Thanksgiving was perfect (or at least it would have been perfect if I didn't have to work so hard to ignore my calculus take-home-exam). The food was ideal as was expected but I guess we thought we weren't thankful enough because when I went down to visit some friends the next day we did it all over again. We even tried to do the black Friday thing at Best Buy and just ended up having some fried 16 year old employee sell us the wrong computer. Couldn't blame the kid, after all I know what its like to try to provide excellent customer service without sleep.

         The next day we had to visit a place in search of some candy my Dad remembered from his youth and this is where we ended up. Jolley's Corner Pharmacy looked more like a shop you would find in Diagon Ally than a drug store. We had plenty of time to explore it's endless handmade crafts and 40's style children's games but it only took about 30 seconds for me to find something I couldn't leave the store without.
The Pocket Guide to Mischief by Bart King. The book itself proved to be quite mischievous when I went to pull it off the shelf and it tried to knock some of the other books on to the floor. Not to mention it is just small enough to make you want to try to fit it in your pocket but just big enough for you to fail in your pursuit. After a short flip through it was apparent that purchasing it was inescapable. I'm willing to share anything I learn with you guys.


         The next adventure was to help Ethan with his "ring shopping" and admire a loft space specially made so that while parents thumbed through merchandise their children could spend time fulfilling their own dreams of sitting in very colorful chairs. What could be more exciting?

               Eventually we regrouped up front to see what the others had excavated. When all was rung up at the register the look on my Dad's face resembled the look that Howard Banister had when 'they tried to charge him for a radio because his wife said he would pay for it (but he didn't of course)'. To our surprise the tiny metal letters my Mom picked out were 50 bucks a piece and spent a while trying to guess what they were made of to merit such a heavy price tag. The only thing we could come up with was that they were obviously plutonium and sold for the sole purpose of fueling your flux capacitor allowing you to go back in time and convince yourself not to buy them. A hypothetical situation that can't be considered a waste of time considering time is irrelevant but it certainly would be a waste of effort.

       We didn't walk away empty handed but we didn't find the candy my Dad was looking for so we went somewhere else. The name of the place escapes me but from the looks of it I expected everything to cost a nickle. It made sense that we would need to be transported back into the 50's to find a candy flavor like horehounds or sassafras. It was worth trying once but it didn't change my life like I thought it would. We finished off with a quick trip to the Temple in bountiful to wrap up my much needed vacation. I still have my calculus exam to worry about though. Back to the salt mines I guess.
(Look, that place is called "Eggs in the City". You're welcome.)

Good conversation #1

                 

        A short while ago our family was rewarded with the long anticipated arrival of my younger brother who returned after 2 years of missionary service in Peru. I did my best to operate the camera at the airport considering my foot and captured minute after exciting minute of hunting down luggage. Its good to have the guy around again. His is a sense of humor we have been missing. A sense of humor that just the other day reminded me of one of my many faults.

        I have a couple regrets that relate to my poor record keeping skills. This includes receipts and expenditures for taxes, people who owe me money or favors and, most importantly, quotes and conversations I've had with my quick witted comrades. There have been so many things said that deserve a special place in our memories but instead have been thrown out to make room for trigonometric identities and chemical mechanisms. Likewise I have deleted many texting convos from my phone to make room for Pre-optometry society alerts and activity committee fiascos. I am trying to turn a new leaf by dumping banter on my blog. Here's one between me and my brother. If you don't enjoy reading it that's fine, it was never any of your business anyway.


Ethan: Question
Me: What kind of question?
Ethan: An intentionally unspecified one.
Me: Just one?
Ethan: Depends on your answer.
Me: So you are expecting an answer then and not a question.
Ethan: Honestly, I don't know what I'm expecting. I just know I'm expecting something.
Me: Well then prepare to be amazed by the most spectacular question ever posed to mankind and the
       like.
Ethan: What is it?
Me: "Why?"
Ethan: How do I answer that?
Me: How ever you want, use some artistic license.
Ethan: That's the thing. I'm searching for creativity.
Me: Like you googled it?
Ethan: ...no
Me: So where are you searching for it then?
Ethan: I'm trying to be creative searching for creativity.
Me: Well you're asking the wrong guy.
Ethan: How do you know? You don't even know what I'm looking for.
Me: Well I am the definition of a person void of creativity.
Ethan: I don't believe you and I don't even read the dictionary.
Me: Are you implying that I do read dictionaries?
Ethan: Read my words. I said 'I' twice! I only said 'you' once!
Me: You talk about yourself a lot.
Ethan: No I don't.
Me: Oh my mistake.
Ethan: I wouldn't have made that mistake. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Me: Not really. That's the kind of thing I would expect from someone like myself. You should lower your
       expectations
Ethan: I just expect what I'm told  to expect.
Me: Well expect rain. You might want to start carrying an umbrella around with you.
Ethan: Haha! Ha! Hohohmm. Give me a sec.
Me: I'll give you 2.
Ethan: Too much. I wouldn't know what to do with 2 secs.
Me: Understood.
Ethan: So take it back.
Me: I'll give it to someone who can use it.
Ethan: ...ya know what I kinda want it back.
Me: Too late, maybe next time.
Ethan: Hey! I need that second second! Give it back!
Me: Don't make this awkward for me. I can't ask for it back now. Not after seeing how excited they were.
Ethan: Who did you give it to??
Me: A group of Guatemalan refugees. They said they could hold 2 more jobs with a little extra time.
Ethan: Oh I like Guatamaltecos. They're really nice.
Me: Indeed.
Ethan: But I still want my sec back.
Me: I'll make note of it. When is your birthday again?
Ethan: I think It'll be next Thursday.
Me: Strange. Facebook normally tells me those sorts of things.
Ethan: Well I remember the president once told me that facebook is corrupt...maybe he's right.
Me: The only thing that Obama has ever been right about is that hamburgers are delicious.
Ethan: Well I wouldn't know. I don't taste.
Me: O ya. My bad.
Ethan: So I can't say that Obama was right about anything.
Me: Just hamburgers.
Ethan: I cannot testify to that. And remember that I don't believe you.
Me: I'll find a way to use that against you some day.
Ethan: Good luck...have you found an answer to my question yet?
Me: I don't recall you asking a question that I could respond to.
Ethan: I'll take that as a no.
Me: ...no.

Gotta Give Him Props

         Most stage-men and other entertainers have a profound understanding of the power of props. The idea began to make sense to me freshman year of high school when I found a sleigh bell in our junk drawer at home and stuck it in my pocket. It wasn't until PE class that I found a use for it. Most days after the jocks had their pick of the basketballs I was left to walk circles around the track with the Mexican kids and the druggies (That was about as physical as the physical education got at Mojave). I decided I would tie the bell to my shoe and see if eventually I would forget that it was there. It worked. After a while I couldn't hear it until some half-baked acquaintance would pull me aside to ask me if I was a reindeer.

         It wasn't long ago that I was strutting around with a surgical boot and cane which reminded me just how much people enjoy someone who advertises their individuality with things like walking aids. Regardless of the time or place random knickknacks make every experience better. My recent favorite is a birthday present I got from a friend many years ago and I just now decided to bring it along to college. Its an inflatable dragon pool toy that still remains nameless partly due to the fact that the girls I delegated the name finding to have been shirking their responsibilities- and also because the only names my roommates can come up with are associated with marijuana  Apparently Puff the Magic dragon's bad reputation has effectively dashed any hope of other dragons being able to live respectable lives. I hope you're happy Puff you magic turd.

         The more out of place it is the better. Nobody can appreciate 'He who has not been named' when he is quietly saving lives in an over sized bath tub but when hes my wing man at a social gathering he turns heads. Other wing men might potentially do more damage than good if they aren't quick witted but he will never say anything embarrassing and he legitimately has wings.

          Ice breakers and conversation starters like this make life simple the way cheesy pickup lines never could. People may think of props as social crutches but if crutches help you get around I see no problem with having a few of them. Not to mention its October again and its nice to have something to put between me and the zombies. Those jerks are always trying to get cheap makeup on my clothes.

        Don't worry. When we finally decide on a name for him you'll be the first to know -if not the eighth. 

Weekend highlights

        Story time, and it's a long one so get comfortable. It all started after a long day of classes followed by a three and a half hour study session. I hobbled back home to find that one of my roommates had company over and they had made us dinner. Inspired to leave the apartment for a night of miscreansy by the crowed that had fabricated next door for an "Oreo party"we left with his family members to have dessert at another complex.We had angel-food cake and chatted whilst some of the group tried to play the harp they found there.

        It wasn't long before Korbin and company got bored of  talking with the 'big kids' and began serenading other girls in the complex with a ukulele. Bradford and I decided to tag along and were stuck with the very important jobs of  recounting the up and coming band's previous exploits and rolling our eyes during their performances. From this we reaped the benefit of having food offered to us (and/or thrown at us) by the victims that crossed the group's path.

       We were shortly thereafter lured to another complex when an unknown number began texting one of the visiting backup singers. When we arrived at the door of those beckoning we found it blockaded by a couple being all romantic and what not. Instead of  putting ourselves in an awkward position by approaching them we instead made it awkward for the rest of them by telling the keeper of the unknown number that we were standing right outside the door waiting. Instead of finding us the girls interrupted the couple scaring them half to death. During the embarrassing turn of  events we sneaked up behind them, began playing the ukulele and scared them the rest of the way to death. Unfortunate for them, I almost feel bad.

       We were invited in and after the usual routine stayed to play some games and hear the girls tell creeper stories. It was getting late so we left and decided to hit one more apartment before we left. The door to their next door neighbors was open so Korbin wondered in and when all was said and done they invited us to dinner the next day. We can always make room for free food so we went of course.

       Earlier that day we heard about several different parties that would be happening when darkness fell. Most of the group went to a block party while I thought a fancy mock-tale party would be more my style as the party advertised that it was to be "the classiest night ever recorded since Sean Connery and Frank Sinatra went to a fancy restaurant with Princess Diana and Audrey Hepburn". It did not disappoint and even I was mistaken for a super classy fellow with a cane instead of a well dressed invalid with a walking aid.  Never have so many dashing people brought so much panache to a single location. The swank was so heavily concentrated it was hard not to use words like unfathomable and indubitably. The party eventually came to a close and I finished the night by watching Undercover Blues with some agreeable company.

       After experiencing an overwhelming amount of classiness Friday night I felt the need to bring things back into balance and prove that I am a well rounded person I went to watch a demolition derby and made it home in time for the BYU/Utah game to prove that I can be a redneck too. In both cases I discovered just how rowdy my roommates can be.

Its fantastic that you can have just as much fun in a suit as you can covered in mud and pieces of an old El Camino.                                                                                           Yes. Sometimes I do things.

Wait I said what?

         I am rarely accused of being an active sleeper as of late considering I'm not sharing a room with anyone at the moment, but I did find myself sleeping on the couch because sleeping in my bed is still hard on my foot for some unexplainable reason (this statement is valid as I have tried to explain it and failed to my shame). Normally my foot doesn't care where I sleep but the surgery has made it all high and mighty. I miss the times when it was still ugly and therefore humble. Now it's treated like royalty and thinks very highly of itself. I hope I don't make the same mistake when I have children.
Annnnnywaaaaay- my trying to sleep in a high traffic area while exhausted lead to a confusing conversation with my dad in the early morning.

         I haven't had good reports of my night-time adventures since my time in Weatherford, Texas when my roomy was a light sleeper and we were frequently apartment hopping. I generally only do stuff in my sleep when I'm abnormally tired and sleeping in different locations constantly. Our fickle circumstance lead to a routine report of my dealings each and every morning. Most reports would recount a similar dialogue which began with me sitting up and desperately trying to get Elder Cardon's attention followed but some exclamation related to food. For example:

Me-                   !!!ELDER ELDER ELDER ELDER!!!!
The Cardster-     Ya?
Me-                   GUESS WHAT?!
The Cardster-    What?
Me-                   I've got a banana cream pie here, and man that's a lot of cream!
The Cardster-    Go back to sleep Ewing.
Me-                   Ya alright--

       Why? I don't have an answer for you. What I do know is that I cheated the poor guy out of a good night sleep often enough to leave me feeling like I owe him something. He seemed to enjoy it the first few times but shortly after he began to look at me the same why I look at Gustov, my satanic alarm clock. The alarm that somehow trained me to wake up seconds before the set time so I could narrowly avoid ungodly punishment. It's demonic chirping could wake the dead.  No question that alarm is at the top of my list of least favorite noises (right above the voice of Death himself).     Gustov I hate you!

        All in all I have come to the realization that I miss knowing what I do when I'm unconscious as it makes for a good morning discussion but I'm glad I'm no longer the cause of torment for those unfortunate enough to be stuck in the same room with me during my episodes. I apologize in advance. I also empathize for those tormented by demon alarm clocks. Please continue to retain your sanity.

Pinky Swear

         When I sit back and analyze the way my mind rationalizes things it's not only sad but at times quite laughable.  Sometimes I do right by myself  but this week has been a good example of how little I know myself. I  just got surgery on my foot and therefore have much time to spend confined to the couch. My first thoughts were "perfect, I will have so much time to do projects as I will now be relentlessly bored into productivity." As far as my blog is concerned I thought I would be writing constantly. What I failed to realize was that when you are stuck on a couch not much happens to you. This makes it difficult to have adventures or force epiphanies. Not impossible, but difficult. Despite the dullness of imprisonment I have decided I will commit to write anyway. It's not like I have anything better to do as we have already established. I may just have to reach into my past an retrieve some good stories I haven't told yet. I have a couple I think.

        After spending countless hours editing a video project for school I am quite fed up with video, but to show my dedication I will through a vlog about my surgery in there too so stay tuned.

A'murca

Now I know what you're thinking, you're thinking -'Hey, why didn't you celebrate the forth of July Jace! Are you an unamerican slayer of Patriotism?!'
      to which I would reply -'I did celebrate the forth of July you sack of spuds!'
      to which you would retort -'Then why didn't you write about it?!'
      to which I would concede -'I forgot, I apologize.'
      to which you would encourage -'It isn't too late to  write it now.'
      to  which I would confess -'But I'm too busy.'
      to which you would exclaim -'I'll make you a sandwich.'

Fine I'll do it for the sandwich. You drive a hard bargain. It was very  much a traditional A'murca day started late with a high stack of banana pancakes. I decided to tag along with a good friend of mine who we will call Trevor (because that's his name) and a group of conocidos from Vegas. We went to a park to festivitize with a cotton-candy monster, gladiators and children trying to drown a man trapped in a water tank. It wasn't as dangerous as it sounds I promise.

We left the park after a while and went to Trevor's apartment for a siesta, made America a cake and watched the only Nicholas Cage movie I have ever thoroughly enjoyed. I even got some  homework done because collage is not a respecter of days.  Finally in the evening after deciding we hated traffic too much to see the epic firework show down in Idaho Falls (second biggest in the west) we instead joined one of Trevor's roommates in Rigby to help him light off over $500 worth of fireworks, eat junk food and take lots of pictures of people we didn't know.

By the end of the day we were oozing with "patriotism".
Hope you had a good A'murca day too and I'll be coming by later for my sandwich.

Hunger games?

       If there is one wish that I have taken away from watching Disney channel original movies as a kid it is the unbridled desire to one day initiate, or at least take part in, a spontaneous and epic food fight. I was sorely disappointed when I made it all the way through grade school and the opportunity still hadn't presented itself. Although 'Initiate food fight' has made its way onto my bucket list I did get to witness a war with edible ammunition.

        Impromptu chaos would have been preferred but I guess this group of people got tired  of waiting and decided to plan one at a birthday party instead. After being recruited to photographize the carnage we set up the battlefield  by scattering a generous amount of food on the grass and unleashed a free-for-all.
        Hot dogs and salad dressing flew through the air and people began to pummel each other with water balloons filled with root-beer or BBQ sauce. The huge birthday cake found its way onto everyone's shirt along with mustard, maple syrup and  whip-cream. Even I didn't make it out without getting some ice cream all over my face.

        The night ended with a garden hose and a very sticky drive home for most. It was a satisfying scene but in my heart still lies the need to start fortuitous lunch hour havick in a public place. Among other things of course. After all who wouldn't want to sacrifice their tacos if it meant punishing an unfortunate stranger for standing within range of your Monday induced fury.

A bumpy ride

        Yesterday I finally had the wonderful opportunity to go skeet shooting for the first time. Considering I love shooting pistols at firing ranges it sounded like a wonderful time so, naturally, I let them drag me along. It was quite the adventure. Now that I mentioned there was an adventure you probably are under the false impression that the star of this story was shooting buckshot at disks of clay that don't remotely resemble pigeons-  BUT  it was after we burned through hundreds of shells (and cheese burgers) and ventured out to find clay pigeons that had not only survived us but also the ground which killed with much more accuracy than we did that the story actually starts. It was out in that field of clay carnage that someone stumbled onto a horse skeleton. Thinking that some girls might appreciate finding a horse vertebrae covered in cow excrement on their doorstep they threw several pieces of the horse into the back of the pickup.

        This didn't seem like a bad idea at the time and after cleaning up we hopped in the back of the truck to travel back to our car. The driver who seemed to have forgotten that there was a mess of passengers in the back began to race over the bumpy, dirt trail toward the road. I couldn't sit down in the bed for lack of room and a desperate desire to not destroy my tailbone from the violent thrashing. I also had to position myself in such a way to avoid being launched over the side of the truck which became a very awkward squat turning me into a less than effective living shock absorber. After starting this panic attack the force of our acceleration brought our good  friend the horse spine right back to were I was struggling for survival. I fought to keep myself just low enough in the truck bed to stop from being ejected and just high enough to stop from being painfully violated by the crap covered spinal column. It was a horribly entertaining 10 minutes until we came screeching to a stop and with shaky knees and thankful hearts we experienced a smoother ride the rest of  the way back.

        Fortunately we all made it back without getting shot or breaking bones. Sounds like a successful Elders quorum activity to me but for future reference- knowing who will be behind the wheel when you are in a precarious position can help you avoid getting covered in cow feces.
         

Sorry- it's an inside joke between me and the internet.

         Everyone uses the internet and there is so much content that we could never hope to discover all of it. There are entire communities  that we couldn't hope to be exposed to enough to understand them. Thankfully the truth is I wouldn't want to waste the time trying to immerse myself in all of them but I have stumbled into several on my cyber escapades and through friends that tickle my fancy. One of my favorites is internet memes. For those who don't know what the word meme means is is an adaptation form the Greek word mimeme meaning something imitated.  It is meant to describe the observation of an idea's evolution in a culture. How it is accepted, manipulated and spread. Using this description the word was then taken from something overly philosophical and applied to the spread of a certain genera of jokes on the internet. Anyone anywhere can set up humorous themes that others can contribute too and these themes are then spread from one person to another weeding out the undesirables and keeping the enjoyable ones alive and infectious. The most successful ones are attached to a image that makes the theme easily recognizable so you know what brand of humor to expect from the meme.    
If you are not familiar with a particular meme then you probably won't appreciate it as much as someone who knows what it represents and is trying to accomplish.

        The product of this hysteria is a mountain of inside jokes shared by select people all over the world. "Why is this important?" you might ask. I never said  it was, but if there is anything to get out of this it would be the realization that public consumption of  these memes isn't just a way to tell a joke and get a chuckle out of someone but a fast and  effective way to spread ideas to the world. Its amazing how much power a seemingly trivial meme can have on the unsuspecting (and probably procrastinating) mind.
  Don't underestimate the knee-slappers.

The tooth fairy

       I found my way back up to school again which means a couple of things. One of those things is that as I will be spending much time with my nose in books I will also be spending much time taking "well deserved breaks" on the computer. In theory this will inevitably lead to a bit more blogging as I  may feel that it is a more productive way to get away from homework than walking in front of a bus. I think it's a good substitute.

       Every time I go back to school I am reminded of something about myself. I hate spending money. Paying tuition and living expenses is hard for a penny pincher. Whenever I see large sums of money leave my hand I feel I'm giving away a part of my soul. It's been that way for as long as I can remember and apparently from stories I hear from my parents I've been that way since before I can remember. For example during the early years of our lives (when I was about 2 or 3) my older brother and I were introduced to the concept of the tooth fairy, a mythical, winged being whose entire life was solely dedicated to the gathering of retired teeth and distribution of money for said useless teeth. This was probably done to console my brother who had lost one of his front teeth and needed to know that this didn't mean he was falling apart but that it was perfectly normal. I don't know if it was our childhood innocence or just the exciting concept of getting money for something that was no longer beneficial to us but we latched onto the idea and all of it's wonderful possibilities. Being distracted with this new realization he quickly forgot about the former horror of breaking off pieces of himself and ran upstairs to witness this magic event take place. Our parents told us how it was to work and much like all other mystical creatures it could only come if we were unconscious. who were we to argue with logic. We got into bed and fought for sleep.

       The next morning Kyle woke up excited to find his tooth gone and in its place a nickle and a penny. Excited that this improbable event had taken place he ran to show my parents who acted excited for him while  trying to understand why the dollar that "the tooth fairy" had slipped under his pillow had magically turned into six cents. After a lengthy interrogation they discovered that I  had snuck into Kyle's room after the exchange had been made and made an exchange of my own. That's one conniving toddler. I am happy to report that I no longer steal people's gifts from fairies with strange obsessions about teeth and I like to think my brother has forgiven me since then.

The moral of this story is children are hustlers and swindlers so watch your back.