We Have Announcements

       So far this year my family has had some pretty big developments. Like the season premier of any show worth watching, loose ends were tied up and new plot twists were introduced. First and foremost my younger brother Ethan somehow came to the conclusion that he needed to go ceremonially bind himself to a female counterpart. He took a road/sky trip to some Island in the middle of the ocean with his girlfriend's family. I think its called Hawaii, is that a real word? That place sounds made up but apparently there are people who live on islands on purpose. This is news to me after seeing how miserable Tom Hanks was in Cast Away (not to mention the entire cast of Lost). To make a long story short they came back all engaged and stuff. I have yet to deduce if this choice was inspired by island insanity or something else. At least she's a real person and not a soccer ball so chances are good he did it because he genuinely likes her. They set the date for June 1st.

Ethan's update: Getting married  to a Polynesian princess?

       Having a nephew is one of the best things in the world (next to driving forward as much as you can while parked at a red light to see if the car behind you will too. Its like I'm bending them to my will. Every time they do I feel like I own them. I OWN THEM!) As an uncle I get all of the fun with none of the custard filled diapers or sleepless nights. Score. As you might imagine I was more than pleased to hear that my older brother and his wife are having another little chamaco soon. We have been a family of sons and it looks like future generations are going to keep it that way for now. Their only complaint- Beth doesn't want to look very pregnant for the upcoming wedding photos.

Kyle's update: Having another son  to carry on his legacy?

       They have both had some huge life altering announcements to start this year off and give it a good plot to follow. By now you must be asking "Jace, what is your life altering announcement and what can we expect you to accomplish this year?" Funny you should ask because I too have something to proclaim to all those with internet access. It was Presidents day so naturally I was out shooting my bow as could be expected. What can I say, I'm predictable and thought it was the most productive way to 'celebrate' our president. Nothing can inspire me to get good at shooting a bow and arrow more then the threat of gun control. My Dad was there to spend some quality time with me and more importantly to witness this seemingly impossible event occur. Not long after I released the arrow to brutally impale the haystack in our backyard I heard an unfamiliar noise. It was not the sound of dead grass being struck at almost 300 feet per second by a shaft of death, but instead a twang of mystery. I ran to investigate and this is what I found---

I successfully split my arrow. I don't know if there is much more that I can accomplish in my life now that I have done the impossible. I mean getting married or having a baby is cool and all, you can take it for what its worth, but I was Robin Hood for a day. And that day I was king....or president
.....or whatever.

Jace's update: Did the impossible  or at least the nearly impossible.

February: A Time for Love and Zombies

         I've talked a little bit about the 'hard times on the farm' in a previous post and unfortunately things haven't gotten much better. I am still a slave to commission and have made basically enough money to pay for gas and that's it. Fear not. This is not a rant about blamed sources of depression.We are above such things after all.

          Before we get to the meat though there are other things I don't like about my job other than the lack of pay. One is that I'm too nice of a guy. If I can give a discount to someone I will because people have problems and I don't want to be one of those problems. If I can help them I will which means I make less money off of them and the company gets perturbed at me. I can't please everyone. Also tax preparation takes the term 'sedentary lifestyle' to a new level. Never have I looked myself in the eye (in a mirror of course, how else does one look themselves in the eye) and had to say "Look, if you don't find some form of physical activity you are going to fall apart". I have to work out in the mornings just to balance out the colossal amount of nothing that I do at work. Exaggerating? Me? Never. At least not in this case.The best stories are always the ones that don't need embellishments. No ketchup necessary on this chicken.

          You're probably asking yourself "Jace, why don't you just quit and go name street signs like you want?" to which I would point out that it's weird that you are asking yourself a question but addressing me. Unless your name is in fact Jace and my current train of thought has reminded you that you share my plight inspiring you to ask yourself (Jace) why you work where you do.
No worries other Jace, I got you all figured out and am sympathetic to your quandary. I have also formulated an explanation for why this is the case.  You're welcome.

           My job can be easily and frightfully comparable to a crazy girl friend that I really don't want to keep dating.  She was attractive in the beginning but now most everything about her bothers me. The problem is every time I seem to be contemplating a breakup (quitting) she promises some new incentive to get me to stay. This shouldn't be too tempting but the fact that I don't have any other prospects and the single (unemployed) life isn't ideal it is enough to keep things going. So there you have it, my job is a crazy girlfriend. Happy Valentines day to me.

            Holidays inspire certain traditions that are expected because of the date and not because of sober reasoning. So to celebrate like I should I decided that when I closed up around 9 I would go see a romantic comedy and take my work to the theater with me (I didn't take any social security numbers in case you were worried. Just some work related forms and study materials).  I went to see Warm Bodies as it is the only romantic comedy that wouldn't be too weird to see by myself. A movie with zombies can't completely destroy a guys mojo and is strangely festive.

           At the end of it all I feel that I have successfully felt what many others have to put up with if they too are in a bad relationship on Hallmark day. It isn't pleasant and would be more so if I was one of those unfortunate souls who are 'married to their work' (if you know what I mean). I couldn't do this job for the rest of my life and stay sane so after all is said and done invest your time where it is well spent.

Good Conversation #2

         This weekend much of my family took a trip north to see my stud of a cousin Conner before he leaves for the Philippians. Work had me stuck at home so I had the whole house to myself. Cases like these often inspire my Mother to make a slew of leftovers, more than I could possibly eat before they get back, and my brother to invite me over to his place for dinner. Evidence that my family thinks I'm incapable of feeding myself without their help. I'd like to say the months I survived up at college would discredit this assumption but then I am reminded of how many times I had friends make me dinner during the semester and my survival skills are again called into question.

       Whilst being fed at a ward activity and then again at my brothers house I conversed with one of my friends who often fed me up at college about a great many things. Among the many topics of conversation including poetry and my nephew's dislike of wearing clothes I mentioned that we were eating 'Aebleskivers'. Wanting the conversation to head in a more obnoxious direction eventually I decided to pretend I was tripping on Psychotropic drugs. Her analysis of my responses are quite humorous but they make me wonder what my friends would do if I ever were legitimately going on a hallucinogenic induced adventure. I think they'd sooner take me to Walmart with a video camera than the hospital. That's what friends are for I guess.

This is the conversation that followed:

Her:  For dinner? Awesome:) ehhhh... Whats an aebleskiver??

Me:  It's like a pancake ball.

Her:  Bahahaha that's legit :] do you inject them with butter and syrup?

Me:  Ha tweeker pancakes. No, no needles. We do what we can for them when they have an injection problem.

Her:  Hahaha gotcha :) poor little pancakes :/

Me:  Its hard for me to have empathy for pancakes though.

Her:  Explain?

Me:  Explain why I don't have empathy for pancakes?

Her:  Yessuh :)

Me:  Well... because I eat them.

Her:  Oh. You..eat..the..poor..pancakes?

Me:  I have a problem.

Her:  Mmm hmmm. And it sounds like a personal problem. You might want to get that checked..

Me:  How should I do that?

Her:  Clinical therapy?

Me:  Self-medication?

Her:  Nahh that's too risky..

Me:  Too late. I've already started.

Her:  Nooooo! Don't do it Jace! The consequences aren't worth the temporary release!

Me:  -Hsjk.mgfjs.saf....wu-

Her:  JACE!!!!

Me:  Goldfish!

Her:  In front of you or to the side?

Me:  Its hard to tell. I think I'm upside down. It's purple its all purple!

Her:  Pull yourself together man! Now focus... Lavender or magenta?

Me:  Donovan is here I need to kill him with solitaire!

Her:  You can't kill people with solitaire! Especially people called Donovan  I feel as though you are slipping from reality... Quick! How many fingers am I holding up!?

Me:  Fingers! Yes I have fingers! Where does the cold air come from? I need the left shoe!

Her:  Not the left shoe! That's defiantly not a good sign.. Now I'm really starting to worry about you :/ how will we be poet accomplices if you lose your marbles??

Me:  Most artists lose their marbles.

Her:  True dat. But the real dalema is if the artist will ever gain his marbles back..O.o

Me:  No they never really do sorry.

Her:  Darn :/

Me:  Goldfish!

Her:  Pug the blowfish! :O

Me:  Who told you that, Abraham Lincoln? He is everywhere! Get out of my pocket Abraham!

Her:  Abraham's in your pocket?? Where did you get one of those? I want one...

Me:  No you don't . He likes to throw frozen pizza and wears a flamingo.

Her:  A flamingo? How does he accomplish that whilst throwing frozen pizza?

Me:  Yes. Can I have all your money?

Her:  That don't make no sense. BUT, if you can find it, yes you can have it all.

Me:  Are you a stapler? You sound like a stapler.

         It went on like that for a little while. Amazing how long she could put up with my nonsense. It's nice to have friends with that kind of endurance.