Name your price

        You have to admit that this is a funny picture. I came across it a while ago while meandering through a Target and it inspired some interesting questions. First of all when this model took this job did he know he would be the centerpiece of mockery and laughter every time I was reminded of this picture? If so how much did they need to offer him before he consented to being featured around the world on a shelf in a popular chain of high traffic supermarkets? Most importantly how much would it take for me to do it if I were in his position? He does look somewhat displeased with his decision.

       There are many motivations for doing crazy things whether it's to impress a girl, prove your manliness, get monetary gain or simply because the camera is rolling. When it comes to certain things everyone has their price no matter how intense the potential embarrassment may be, just look at the actors in erectile disfuntion commercials.
   
      For the first little while of thinking about this subject I felt somewhat proud of my ability to avoid those situations until, of course, I was reminded of instances where I did sell myself to science, among other things. In my psychology class a portion of our grade came from volunteering  for a case study on campus. To get the grade I subjected myself to have electrodes strapped to my head and with salt water dripping in my eyes stared intently at a computer screen clicking certain buttons as rapidly as I could when prompted. The study lasted for an hour. I did not enjoy myself.

       It wasn't long after that that I decided to get some extra income by selling my plasma. The first time I went the person in charge of me missed my vein and the fluids that were meant to be pumped back into my veins were instead pumped into my arm. My arm swelled and bruised to the point that for the next month I looked like I had tried to close-line an NFL running back.
Instead of abandoning the idea I found myself sitting in that same chair a few days latter prepared to forfeit the use of my other arm as well.
These are only two examples of my lifetime of justifying poor decisions (with a surprising lack of regret).


      Depending on perspective decisions are easier or harder to make given varying circumstances. There are some stupid things that given a five dollar incentive I wouldn't think twice before doing but I can still feel good knowing that there are some things in my life that regardless of the offered motivation I will never think about doing. It doesn't take much thought to say no to something if we have made a promise to ourselves that we will never do it. Strength can come through commitment and belief that will protect us from self destruction if the opportunity presents itself. Priorities are reflected in those decisions and priorities reflect character. My character says I wouldn't smoke crack for a million dollars but I still might star in a Viagra commercial if it got me an A in chemistry.                        Oh the things I do for college.

Once upon a time...

      As it is Hallmark day I thought it fitting to post something. I thought this story would be appropriate as it is based on a fairy tale love story we all know. It’s a story that has existed for ages and has been told in many different ways. To tell it a little differently we set the stage in the small town of Bar Nunn just outside of Casper Wyoming. Ella, a sheltered 18 year old girl is finishing her long list of tedious chores before going to bed. She didn't know much outside of this tiny community as she was home schooled and worked maintaining her step mother's pawnshop. Every day she is presented with numberless jobs to occupy her time by her paranoid step mother. After losing Ella's father her stepmother became ridiculously overprotective in the worst way. Ella did have two step sisters but their being socially awkward and homely did not seem overly threatening to their mother's sanity and were therefore allowed to attend public school. Ella however was a pretty girl and her ditsy, clueless attitude attracted far too much male attention. Her mother feared the drama she could potentially create and for this she was confined to her stepmother’s side.

        

       The town was governed by a wealthy family which had only one son, named Charles, who was constantly being spoiled by his parents to keep him from making them look bad through his mischievousness nature. They often accomplished this through hosting large parties for his friends in their palace like mansion. These parties were generally very exclusive but as it was his graduation party and he wanted it to be quite the spectacle he decided to invite everyone on his facebook account. As stepsister one and two were reluctantly added to his list of friends during a time when he was trying to boost his ego by having more friends than his cousin Richard, they too were invited. They revealed this to the household and begged their mother to allow them to attend. Permission was granted them but Ella was charged to stay home as she would surely destroy herself at the party and ruin her life. The step sisters (too ignorant to take offence by this statement) scurried off to shop for clothes and Ella was left alone to blog about her oppressive stepmother and her self-diagnosed "meaningless life". 

      Not long after publishing her pity party she received a text from her free spirited godmother telling her to sneak out and have a good time. "Without transportation and something to wear how could I?" she replied. Her godmother, not only being a bad example but insisting to live vicariously through the lives of others offered to help her out. She bought her clothes and drove her to the event.

       At the party Charles was sadly disappointed at the lack of hotties and pouted until he spotted a new face enter the scene. With teenage hormones raging he and Ella were instantly smitten with one another and danced for hours. Upon her realization of how close it was to curfew she quickly left the party fearing she would be caught by her paranoid step mother and in her rush forgot to get her true love's information and even lost one of her shoes. 

       The next morning Charles awoke to realize his blunder. His true love was gone and only her shoe remained. This would not have been too much of a problem but considering his drunken state he could not remember what she looked like and had no way to contact her. After a few hours of sulking he had an idea inspired by his odd foot fetish. He would take the shoe into town with his friend and find the person in possession of the other, matching shoe. Persistently they searched, stopping only at taco bell and then continuing on their quest. It took until dusk before he stumbled into the pawnshop and upon spotting Ella with the other shoe professed his undying love. Despite her stepmother's colorful protests she hopped into his car and drove off into the sunset with nothing to stop them but an ill timed cop car and DUI.

THE END

Define "dream job"

   

        If there is one thing you can rely on in this world it is that elementary schools will always do certain activities. Always the same activities, like clockwork. Among the most universal is asking the question "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Normally this question doesn't yield any mesmerizing results. In fact it can be kind of boring hearing every single kid say they want to be a fireman or a base ball player, but every once in a while you stumble upon some gems. A kid who has truly thought through the options and applied what they know about themselves and the world to choose a worthy career. I'm not talking about me wanting to be an entomologist when I was a tike, that's kind of weird. I'm talking about profound, innocence driven genius.

        The term dream job carries with it a feeling of grandeur and when we look at it this way we let some of the fun ones fall through the cracks. It's the fun ones that I like to think about. Here are some examples:




       Do you ever run into a street that the name on it is so ridiculous that it makes you want to meet the guy who named it? Who decided it would be a good idea to name this place Vista view and what would it be like to be that guy? If you take some time to drive around and read street names some are laughable, confusing and at times even quite racist. Nothing would make me happier than to live in the robin hood themed complex that I now know exists. Either that or something like Dragonslayer Ave.








 
       Another one is the person who decides the crayola crayon colors. We live in a world where your basic array is no longer good enough. We need a box with 1824 different shades all with obnoxious descriptions. The
crayon guy has to decides if this particular brown is more of a
hazelnut, cappuccino, desert sand or aged owl feces. The power they have is truly impressive.

   




       Another example is an author of children's books or creators of children's programming. From the looks if things any pot head after a drug fueled trip can recount their experience with color pictures and publish it. There's nothing easier than writing a story about two cockroaches named Remus K. Huntington and Steve and their search for the perfect pop sickle. If that doesn't scream dream job I don't know what does.








      These jobs are everywhere working unnoticed in the background, hidden from those with normal ambitions. Truth is the world is full of interesting jobs just waiting to be envied and hopefully someday I will be around to claim one.

Friday's Highlights

       Regarding my eventless week last week, I am happy to say I did more than dream about doing things this week and instead actively tried to go do things. Even after my day was threatened by sleeping for almost 12 hours I still managed to get out of the house. Normally if my day hasn't picked up before one in the after noon I just stay in my castle and gather dust while watching a good movie so when the last samurai came on it looked like that would be the case yet again.
Luckily the remembrance of my former failings of get-to-itiveness was enough to make me get some pants on and walk out the front door.

        A friend had spoken to me about a group of people getting together to do things around 8 so I figured while he was in town I would go hang out at his house until 8 and then go to do said things with said people. I ate dinner before I left assuming that I wouldn't have the chance later but on the way there I got a call from my friend saying that his family was going out to dinner and invited me to come along. I was almost there so it didn't make sense to say no and I consented to eating ribs with them before heading out. I thought it would be bad manners not to eat everything so I cleaned my plate with my stomach cursing at me the entire time. After that we spent a long time at an ice skating rink, not ice skating, but carefully observing hoping to see people slip and destroy their face on the ice. After witnessing a good number of falls we went to an event down town where we hoped to see some good bands perform. It was late when we got there and the only band we could find performing sung some songs about how old, simple video games were superior to new ones and that you shouldn't eat poop. It was unexpected but enjoyed nevertheless. We also looked in a gypsy shop to thumb through strange clothes and oddities. We had quite the hipster experience trying things on and making ridiculous recommendations for each other. Lastly to finish off the night around 1 we went to a casino for the early bird special and ended up getting some ace-player cards, not because we had any intention of gambling but because we heard we could get a discount on dinner if we used one. I ate my third dinner of the night which was an unnecessary challenge that I victoriously conquered.   

       It seemed like everything we did tonight was a normal idea turned upside down to accomplish something surprisingly unexpected. As anyone can enjoy ice skating, listening to live bands, shopping or eating it was far more fun to find other things to enjoy about those normal activities that were anything but normal. Despite the abnormality of watching people crash on the ice, listening to a band with outrageous lyrics, browsing a store just to wonder what kind of a person would buy such weird stuff, registering for gambler perks, and eating way too much just to prove that I can made for a successful night. It is rewarding to find amusement in unexpected places.

Yes. Sometimes I do things.