In a Daze

          Finals week has officially come to an end. It should feel like seeing the mist settle after having to walk through a hail storm but trying to get home has still produced more than just a hassle. With studying for finals, trying to get check out done with bad office hours and policies, packing my stuff and car problems I have been running on about 3 hours of sleep for the last 72 hours. Not something that I would recommend doing especially when you have to drive home.

          Every time this happens I am reminded just how horrible sleep deprivation can be for  me. My lack of dream time must have an affect on my event processing center because I don't seem to have control over what I say or do. In general there are two identities I assume in my state of exhaustion. The first is a mindless entity driven by pure instinct. I walk around in a daze bumping into walls in complete silence or mumbling incoherently. I am somewhat oblivious and unresponsive to whats going on around me and fall in and out of consciousness with the flip of a switch. The second amplifies all of my less desirable qualities. The filter in my brain shuts off creating an alternate form of turrets. All of the weird things that pass through my mind in my delusional state escape from my mouth until I am relentlessly annoying myself and wondering why I can't get myself to shut up.  On rare occasions The two personalities murge creating something comparable to what Steve Urkel would be if he were an undead zombie.

          When I finally made it to apartment 7 I was able to pass out on their couch purging myself of undead Urkel and returning to normal. It's amazing how doing without certain things can have such a significant impact on who we are and how we feel about ourselves. Without sleep it is hard to function and maintain a level of normalsy and there are many other things that have a similar influence. There are countless actions that when cut out of our life turn us into something we are uncomfortable being. We lose control, reasoning and motivation until we are able to restore the balance again. From a spiritual perspective it is easy to notice a change in others and ourselves when we disregard those important things that exist to help us recharge our batteries and continue navigating live with a full tank of gas. We all go through lapses so the important thing to do is to recognize whats missing and replace it before we are no longer able to remember what it is like to experience normal cognitive function (or to remember anything for that matter).
Nobody wants to be undead Urkel.